of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife.” The wife went: “Aahhhh!” with shock and rage. . Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out “…and I can’t remember who she was.” By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water
Husband Vs Wife.........
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Don’t copy if you can’t paste
of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife.” The wife went: “Aahhhh!” with shock and rage. . Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out “…and I can’t remember who she was.” By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water
MEANING OF WIFE
MEANING OF WIFE
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Who's Problem ? Is It Really?
A man feared
his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a
hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to
discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"
The problem may not be with the other person as we always think, could be very much within us!
After reading this please don't forget to give your comments for this.............
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"
The problem may not be with the other person as we always think, could be very much within us!
After reading this please don't forget to give your comments for this.............
Saturday, November 3, 2012
A letter With 100 Kisses...
|
Punjabi lawyer working
in UK wrote to his wife in India.
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market
crisis has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.
Your loving husband,
|
Tuna Singh
His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100
kisses.
Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...
1.The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2.The electricity man, Kuldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3.Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.
4.Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I
gave him other items, I hope you understand.
5.Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance.
Shall I plan the same for the next month?
Your Sweet Heart,
Sunita
The moral of this story......
NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN!
God's Weeping
|
||
|
Three old men
went to see God.
The first old
man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession.
"100
years," God said.
The American started weeping profusely.
"I will
not live to see that day"
Second man, a Russian asked God "When will my country become prosperous?" "Fifty years," came the reply. The Russian too started weeping profusely.
"I will not
live to see that day"
Finally the Indian asked God, "When will my country be free from corruption?"
God
started weeping.
"I will not live to
see that day"
|
||
Parent - Job Description
PARENT - Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
Father, Son's Love & Respect
Don't miss it. Read it completely.
An
old man, staying in a small south Indian town came to visit his son in
Bombay recently. The son in his early thirties is a successful
businessman living with his wife and son. The father, having spent most
of his life at his birthplace, hardly understands a splatter of Hindi or
English, forget Marathi. But he doesn't care. 'I have come here to
spend a few days with my son and his family. I don't have to go out and
socialize with the city people,' he said.
But
the son is very excited about his father's rare visit to Bombay. He
wants to make the best of it. He and his wife want to show him around
the city. And yes, the son enjoys those evening hours too, when he and
his father go out and sit in a good bar, sipping their favorite drink.
Last
week he was in a very good mood. 'Let's go to a five star hotel's bar
tonight,' he told his father. It was a beautiful evening. Talking about
everything under the sun they had a few drinks. As usual they were
offered some salad, peanuts, wafers etc .as accompaniments with their
drinks. The old man being almost toothless was not much interested in
eating. But that day when they got up to leave, he simply took a handful
of chana (roasted grams) and stuffed it in the fold of his dhoti. He
might have thought about munching on them, sitting in the car, or
whatever. Unfortunately while walking in the lobby, he missed a step and
stumbled. Down he went, scattering the chana on the plush carpet.
No
problem .Now try to visualize that scenario. Someone else in his son's
place would have been mortified, embarrassed to death. He might have
cursed not his father but his own self for causing this awkward
situation. 'Never again will I take my old man to such hotels', he would
have vowed.
No
sir, not this son. Gently, with a smile, he helped his father get back
on his feet. Instead of feeling irritated or angry, he was amused. He
found the whole incident very funny. Laughing, they both went home and
on the way they decided to return to the same place the following
Sunday.
The old man liked the place and liked the chana too.
Few days back, at a friend's place they both described this event and made everybody laugh.
Weren't
you embarrassed? Somebody asked the son. 'Oh, come on now' replied the
son. 'He is my father. He talks in his native language, prefers to wear a
dhoti even to a posh city hotel, takes chana from the bar to eat later,
does whatever he feels like.... So what?
Why
should I feel embarrassed with his nature and habits? Nobody has a
right to stop him from doing whatever he feels comfortable with, as long
as it is not harmful to others.'
The
son doesn't care what the staff in the hotel thought about that
incident. He says 'they should be concerned only with their bills and
tips. I am concerned about my father's happiness.' The wife too totally
agrees with the husband on this issue. She feels there are enough other
qualities in her father- in- law to feel proud of. Accept them.
The
above incident is not mentioned just to show the love and devotion of a
son for his father. More than love it is a matter of understanding and a
healthy respect for the other person's lifestyle.
A
seventy plus old man doesn't want to change his lifestyle now. He likes
the way he eats or dresses or talks. In his eyes there is nothing wrong
with the old ways of living. And the son says, ok, fine. Every body has
a right to live as per his wish. Now at his age, why should he be
forced to learn to eat with a fork and knife, if he doesn't want to?
I
will feel bad if he is doing something morally wrong or indulging in
some harmful activities. But otherwise it is fine. I am not going to try
to change him at this stage. He is my father. I love him, respect him.
Hey
folks, can you think this way? So many times we see people getting
embarrassed by the so called unsophisticated behavior of their family
members. They keep on apologizing about their lack of class and manners
or about their drawbacks to outsiders. My wife can't speak proper
English; she doesn't know what's happening in the world, so I avoid
taking her out or introducing her to my friends and business
associates... My parents can't eat with a spoon and fork, so I don't
take them to restaurants My husband is working as an ordinary clerk, so I
feel awkward when I introduce him to my rich friends. My brother is
mentally challenged, so I don't feel like going out with him...
Are
you plagued with such thoughts or do you meet such people who think
alike? If you do, please ask yourself. Why do others or I feel this way?
Really what is there to feel ashamed of? Most of the people always have
this fear of other peoples' opinions and comments. What would others
say?
Nothing.. You are what you are..
Hope you liked it?
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